Games my toddler plays

Inspired by one of my friends, who has begun chronicling interesting and astounding things her son says these days, I thought of writing about current games that my toddler has made up . I hope to laugh at them when I read x years down the line, though currently to me, not all are entirely entertaining. My husband enjoys them and howls- especially since I am the one who my toddler expects to play these with.

As another friend once mentioned to me, my toddler P, so far seems to be a mamma’s boy, having spent a large part of his infant life away from his dad. Though now things are changing finally, more than 1.5 years after we returned to Indonesia to join his dad, I still am his go-to for everything, his play-bouts with dad lasting for max to max 15 mins. He will come back to me for a tiny break at least in between 😊. So, without further ado, these are the current games my toddler plays:

  1. Dada padla (दादा पडला)-this is probably the first game he invented and has been playing for more than 5 months now. Dada means brother and probably he has taken it to mean boy because he calls himself dada. Padla means fell. This game involves lying down all of a sudden on the floor and to say “Dada Padlaaaa!”. Anywhere! The dirtier the floor, the better. Then to watch the embarrassment of parents. Usually also involves rolling on the floor, rubbing back and hands against the floor. A great source of enjoyment at public places. So far he played this game at various places. Once at the grocers, the owner asked me to kindly bring him around 10 am every day so that the store doesn’t need a mopping service anymore -which I laughed too loudly with embarrassment and complimented the owner on clean floor -which thankfully it was. He has played this game at various malls at Jakarta, regularly in the lobby of our building, various stores, homes of various friends, even outside the public toilet in a Singapore mall. Imagine the kind of cleaning exercise that takes place after such things. Also, usually this is to be played when accompanying parent/s have their hands full with things so that they can’t pick you up. Even if they try, you just let lose your body or resist being picked up and create a scene. Such scene was once being recorded by a lady on Changi airport and my husband had to request her to kindly mind her own business! The only time this ‘benefitted’ us parents was when he lay in front of immigration desk and the officer allowed me to jump the queue because of that !!
  2. Ta-daa – This game involves asking the unsuspecting mother to lie down on the bed because you want to sleep and then lie low in ambush till the sleep deprived mother Is herself half drowsy and thinks you have slept. Then slide out and quickly arrange pillows on the top of her and before she understands anything, shout ta-daaaaa and throw yourself roughly on the pillows so that her world shakes literally!! The first couple of times this happened, it caught me unawares. I was almost sleeping, which these days happens a lot – while putting him to sleep in the afternoon. Then I began catching him as he would slip away, and he would howl in anger because he wanted to play ta-daa. Then I arranged pillows on the mattress and asked him to play ta-daa, but hey, where is the fun in that. So he never complied. He hasn’t forgotten this game though I now prohibit him every time (Almost! – occasionally I did give him the pleasure) and immediately goes for arranging pillows on my tummy every time we go to take afternoon nap.
  3. Aai baau (बाऊ) – Baau in Marathi baby language means injury. So no prize for guessing what this game involves. This game is open in its intention where you just ask your aai (mom) if you can play ‘aai baau’? and irrespective of her answer pounce on her to start roughhousing. This game involves roughhousing it with aai and scratching her, pulling her hair etc. She needs to shout “aaaaargh!!”, “maajhe kes!!” (my hair) and all for the game to proceed and conclude. This can last a long time and aai is really exhausted by the end of it. Not allowing him to play this game has led to very long bouts of crying. Initially it was lot of scratching and hairpulling. I have resisted every time and never encouraged him to continue this game thinking it would lead to an aggressive behavior. However, I have noted that he is in fact reserved by nature and not aggressive outside of home.  I felt he needed some roughhousing as a toddler and he chose me as his candidate to try it on because I am available all the time. It took a lot of scratches and training to focus on masti rather than scratching to turn this game into fun activity (For him. For me it is still exhausting) – which involves pillows and mattress jumping and roughhousing that doesn’t involve much scratching (though little bit of hair pulling is still there). Of course, I have to over dramatize the ‘injury’ always.
  4. Shouting gaau (गाऊ)– Gaau is derived from gaa in Marathi – which means to sing. Instead of ‘say’ he usually uses a form of this word – gaa or gaau. Shouting gaau is a precursor to his career in death metal I think sometimes… Shouting gaau means shouting in chorus. This is an ‘exceptional’ game because it is one game he tries and enjoys with his dad and they shout ‘aaaaaaaaaaaa’ in chorus till as long as they can. Or when we are sitting together he will first ask his dad to join, then me in the next round and then all three of us in the third round.
  5. Fekla! Kashala fekla! (फेकलं! कशाला फेकलं ) (Threw. Why did you?) So he has a tendency to mess things up while saying tidy up! Tidy up! It began when, inspired by various online articles on Montessori parenting, I thought it would be cool to teach him to clean after himself as a toddler. It began at 16 months that whenever we would tidy his area, I would keep saying tidy up, tidy up! He watched enough and one day joined us! Whenever I would put a toy in basket, he would throw it out saying tidy up! Initially I thought this hilarious but later, as it continued over months, extending beyond his play area to laundry basket, our closets and shelves ( some of which are unfortunately at his height too ), I lost my temper at times and would shout “Fekla! Kashala fekla?” – which is now the new name for his game of ‘tidyiing it up’ involving throwing tidied items… Maybe I need more than online Montessori articles – to implement the Montessori way. Or maybe, I need to ignore all the parenting mumbo jumbo and plain simple discipline him. Not that I haven’t been trying – but at the age of 2 he is still away from the concept of that mom can be upset about something (done by him). So I am still tidying it up after all the mess. An acquaintance whose son is 10 now told me, when her son was small she never tidied up his play area at night because he would always come in the morning and mess it up! For a moment I felt relieved that someone actually practiced what I secretly had been thinking. But alas, I cannot actually make myself follow this!
  6. Whoa – So Whoa is a game of trying to free fall while falling cautiously (because  – its how we naturally are). P is a cautious toddler mostly, except while roughhousing with me. Its entertaining to watch him laying his head on the floor. Slowwwwly! 😊 but these days he is inspired by Marshall, the paw patrol puppy. Marshall is a cute Dalmatian and a fire fighter and a para medic puppy. He owns a cool fire truck cum x ray machine etc. For P however, his most appealing characteristic is that he is extremely clumsy and accident prone and falls down everywhere. So being a cautious toddler, P has found a way to imitate marshall, where he holds a corner of sofa and then tries to fall, or he holds my hands and pretends to be falling off a cliff . Many a times, before playing whoa, he places a pillow on the floor where he expected to fall and then proceeds and changes the pillow properly if he notes mid way his ‘fall’ that it is not placed correctly. 😊 . At other times, he just crawls everywhere, including public places, pretending to be marshall and expecially on the wheelchair ramps, he will try to slide shouting Whoa whoa whoa. Those ramps are not too high. So he loves sliding on them and pretending to be Marshall sliding down the paw patrol lookout – rather than sliding off actual slides. 😊 Though he likes actual slides as well (if they aren’t crowded).

With these games being frequently played at my home these days, I am kind of busy and exhausted. I applaud all sorts of internet and Instagram parents that seem to be doing so many cool things with their kids, activities, discipline, reading wise. Kudos to you all !

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Dating !…of sorts…

I spotted you from a distance…. As you stood under a tree
The sun shone upon you, as you basked in all its glory
Your eyes, with pleasure alight, upon the tot at your knee
And I saw a ray of hope –  a kindred soul in thee

 

As I approached you, you noticed me and I smiled shabbily
You narrowed eyes appraisingly, as I stood so flabbily,
I tried some witty remark on weather that I offered as a bait
I thanked my stars in my mind, that finally someone worth I met

 

Then we exchanged pleasantries and chatted for a while,
And what I learned about you then, really made me smile
You stayed nearby and came to the park daily at this hour,
You too were seeking to meet someone these days that had been so dour

 

Accidentally daily at same time we seemed to bump always
One day at park, my heart hummed its time to seek the ways
To spend more time with this one, she’s the keeper you see
So I gathered my wits and my courage and invited her for tea

 

We bonded over diaper brands, we gushed over babyfoods,
We shared agonies with each other complaining about our broods
Dear reader, the rest is history, of this love story of sorts,
Its about one mom dating another one, now control your snorts…

 

The end!

Probably I have overused the poetic license , but these or any other words wouldn’t do justice to one important agony of the mom life! Finding new friends – er make it new mom friends.

Mom dating! Yes, Mom dating is the term for it, and about accurate and succinct description – of the struggles one faces as a mom, trying to make friends with other moms. This agony may not be faced by every mom. But many of the first time moms (that’s FTMs in modern mom world lingo) that have willingly opted to be a stay at home mom (SAHM – another modern mom world lingo aka MMWL), do face it. Like any other decision taken in the heat of the moment – where we later try to justify it  (including that of marrying, having a child and so on) (LOL) – the decision to quit job never really estimates the impact of lack of regular (almost constant) adult interaction, that makes up for even the lack of social life otherwise, in some cases (like mine to an extent when I was working in India with 14-15 working hours a day). Working moms have colleagues for some sensible adult conversation throughout the day. They connect over one common aspect – work. Whether they like each other or not, they must accept each other. It is sort of God given (or fate given – take your pick) arrangement, where you need do nothing. You can meet your other friends during the weekends – but mostly you are busy with chores on weekends – and spending valuable time with your kids. There is no time to feel , think etc.

For us SAHFTMs (Ha! I just thought of it) – life is all fun initially until the extended break seems to be extending towards infinity. You spend your day cleaning, bathing, feeding (rinse and repeat) ,putting them to sleep, obsessing over number of feeds, number of poops, colour of poops, figuring out exactly why the baby cried and so on… I have elaborated more than enough I suppose. It is a mix of awesome, fun and frustration in equal measures and worth every moment spent in doing these I agree. But as days go by , and the signs of clinginess of the baby don’t dissipate,  you do miss some adult conversation. The husband being the only remaining earning member of the family, cannot cater to this whim exactly when you feel like it – like when the baby is asleep in the afternoon or when out for evening stroll, since he is probably stuck in some corner of his office, trying to make sense of something on his work screen. Plus who would really want to bond with you to discuss your frustrations about a diaper rash cream , a baby detergent and so on??? Unless that person is a mom of a similar aged baby herself!!! That’s why SAH-Mom dating is needed. Some adult conversation, similar concerns and so on!

But what is the reason for a blog post if it was as smooth a sailing as in the poem above, which is just a figment of my imagination. In reality, if you notice someone at the park, in all likelihood they already belong to some mom-clique and will tend to ignore you. If this important hurdle is crossed, probably you have won half the battle. If not, then park probably was not the right place for you. You need to find other places – like playgroup drop off and pick up area, playgym / music / activity classes etc.  You cannot be seen looking shabbier than your mom-target, nor can you look unachievably chic holier than thou (though sometimes it could lead to aspirational popularity  – because everyone always wants to be friends with the cool chic mom in the class/area isn’t it?) You try to bond over clothing, stroller brands, parenting style and passing judgements about how other moms are acting (and in a way try to know each other’s compatibility).  You start discussions with discussing number and quality of playgroups in the area (I tried this), saying – “how has been your experience of ____ playgroup? Would love your honest feedback.” You send Facebook friend requests and then compliment now and then on their photos whenever you possibly can.  You receive and give compliments on baby clothes, get asked about doctors and so on. All this can be asked genuinely too of course, but these conversations, if happening too frequently are “masked friendship requests” so to say :-D. Sometimes, your “friendship requests” are met with a royal ignore. You do wonder things like – am I not interesting? Not funny? Am I not cool enough and so on –how easy it was during childhood. My toddler shares his toys with people he likes. If someone doesn’t play with him, he moves on…after 3.5 decades of life, such rejections are hard on your ego….

All in all, making mom friends is hard. Just like romantic dating I would say. Similar level of uncertainty and bruises to ego, which become more difficult to bear because of the advanced age (as compared to the romance years) I’d say, if you meet someone, keep the momentum of friendship going, because you never know- the 15 days you were absent from park were enough for your target mom to meet someone new and move on

The greenery and the scenery amidst the traffic

One of the things I love about Jakarta is its greenery. I haven’t really traveled to many commercial centers beyond India and some regions of SE Asia. However, having lived majority of my life in Mumbai, the most important commercial city in India, I find myself pleasantly surprised by Jakarta, almost every time I step out. The city is still green thankfully and that creates pleasant vistas within concrete jungles. Sure, Jakarta doesnt have huge public parks that many other (mainly western) cities are known to boast about. But it has enough greenery to cool down your eyes amidst the super horrible traffic that it is known for. I live in almost CBD area and across my home is a boulevard laced with lush evergreen trees. I would also love taking a walk around my office area, which too boasts of lush greenery. This post is just to share some pix of the greenery that I took in during my post lunch walk around my office block. One more aspect that I miss about my work 🙂

Rants of a stay at home mom!

With the birth of your child, comes the birth of your new role as a parent and your whole life changes. It is true, everyone says that. But one more change, that happened in my life as a new parent – which may or may not happen in case of other parents – was my transition into being a full time stay at home mom. Making this decision was not easy for me, having worked for several years, usually long working hours for a majority of my career in India mainly. Making this decision in Indonesia was even harder than quitting my job in India (to relocate to Indonesia). In addition to excellent work culture and learning, important fact was that I was staying very close to my office and that provided me with good amount of work life balance. However we had to make this decision till we were convinced of a good child care option.

During my youth I was extremely influenced by a book called ‘A road less travelled’ by M Scott Peck, the psychologist, who had contended that a significant part a person’s nature/personality is determined by how s/he is raised till the age of 4. I had determined to myself back then (when I was around 19-20 and really inexperienced in the ways of world in general and ways of parenting in particular) that I would take a career break if need be and really raise my child in the most ideal manner etc. Blah blah blah…. Cut to present day and I find myself missing those early morning market and current affairs analyses during team discussions, deadlines, meeting clients- here it was even more interesting because different language posed new challenges. The tea time converations, and so on. With so many years of working behind me, how could I believe that I would be immediately okay with the sudden end to it? This was in a sense me time. I never realised how much I have enjoyed my work before I had to shut my shop so to say and sit at home. Raising child in ideal manner etc was thrown out of the window, the day I gave my child my mobile phone to watch youtube for a while so that I could drink my tea in peace.  There is no ideal. Parenting is always about uncertainty and guilt. I learned soon, sadly.

Yes, it is mainly the work-life, the excitement of working on a new project/case, new sector, the rush of chasing a deadline… all these things is what I am reminded most sorely. This was also my personal space. Socialising has definitely reduced, but I was more or less prepared for it,having noticed change in the lives of new parents around me.

Is it wrong of me to think of my worklife since my priorities have changed? I do not feel guilty, despite being subjected to constant judgement the moment I mention this. As a new mother, every woman is subject to constant judgement anyway, so I have taken it in a stride. I do enjoy being at home and being available through all milestones and stages of my child for sure. I have enjoyed it to the fullest and am most thankful for this opportunity. Not many have this luxury. At the same time, I remember how wonderful I felt while working too. The sense of independence , confidence in my work etc were wonderful to experience. On some days, I envy those who have resumed working and on others, I am extremely thankful for being at home with my child.

Not a unique rant, I know. Many must have gone through it, many must have either resumed or reconciled to staying at home. But sure, most of them would have ranted atleast for a while, and it is my turn today!

This blog is not dead….

This post comes after a gap of closer to 2 years. Wow! I never realised it had been that long since I updated. The real life had taken over. I was completely immersed in taking care of my baby, who now, as a toddler still commands most of my time. Therefore I cannot make commitment to myself to write regularly. But yes, I will be writing more often. Now that my toddler is getting more and more independent, I do find myself with some time to spare. Especially, the lack of regular adult conversation (with friends) these 2 years past, has made me realise the need to gather my thoughts and ponder on something that doesnt involve meals, sleep schedules, poops, toys and so on. Living in a foreign country, you do get used to a pattern of friendships that ebb and flow with several incoming and outgoing expats and if you are the one that stays at a place for long time, you do get used to welcoming new comers with enthusiasm, building friendships over the period only to bid them good byes with aplomb…. In short, in 2016/17, 4 of my friends relocated. That made the need for this kind of conversation with myself more apparent. However, whatever spare time I would have, would be spent in browsing through yet another parenting group or article or milestones update from the babycenter … LOL.

However, lately, I began missing this whole process more and more. Writing usually always allows me to come to a conclusion if I am stumbling. It always brings me at peace. It always makes me more and more in tune with myself and that is why I always think it is one of my greatest friends. So I do see myself writing more and often on this blog again….